Activity 1
It is a statement and could be better if the writer were to say what the problem with their thesis statements are and/or how they intend/did fix them. The thesis statement ironically almost did not exist, something the author stated. I feel it gives me no indication as to what the paper will be, a plain statement of fact or an argument.
Activity 2
I would give the paper a 3.
- The thesis was almost non-existent.
- The at least mentioned some outside facts, but went into almost no detail.
- Because of the poor thesis, the paper seemed jumbled together and I had trouble following along.
- The last paragraph starts with “In conclusion”, it sounded weird.
- Grammar made the paper hard to read.
Activity 3
I agree with the ranking of “3”
- The first paragraph contained little of a thesis, instead it already began arguing, I could not tell where the paper was going.
- Grammar, ex:
“However, to be honest I still think I have this problem today, but I am going to improve it.”
Instead:
“However, to be honest, I believe this problem persists. That is why I am working to correct said deficiency.”
That could work better.
- The last paragraph did not restate the thesis.
Activity 4
It did not answer the prompt, nor was there much detail given as to how the writer improved; the writer only said that they did.
Answer 5
I learned that giving examples (and explaining their relevance) is my friend, if I say something, I should give examples, and some things do not need explained (my audience does not need simple things like a thesis explained, that could cause them to lose interest in my paper).