ERH-250: Responding to Student Writing

For this reading response assignment, we were tasked with reading an example of student writing, “ATTENTION BASS FISHERMAN,” and leaving some comments for revision. After reading the assignment, which clearly lays out the audience, the first suggestion I had for revision would be to ease off the narrative gas pedal and focus more on teaching. The assignment calls for an essay where you explain an activity that you are an expert in and write in as if you are writing a column in a newspaper. The students writing focuses too heavily on telling stories rather than explaining to the audience how to fish or the benefits of fishing. To remedy this, I would leave a comment such as “Try to shorten your stories and use the extra space to talk more about how to fish. A good example of this is where you discuss strategies for getting around the lily pads, why you fished the shade, and why you used specific baits at certain times.” This comment is directive rather than the suggested form of facilitative, but i believe that a directive comment here would make it clear what to revise and how to change it.

My next comment would be to make the essay broader by changing it not just from bass fishing in the lakes of Orlando, but rather to just bass fishing in general. I would say something like: “Why did you choose to focus just on how to fish in Orlando as opposed to fishing anywhere?” This facilitative comment would help the author by having him realize that most people are not from Orlando and having an essay about such a specific location could turn off many audience members. Talking about fishing in general could also help the writer move away from storytelling and into more general explanation of bass fishing.