ERH 102 Critical Reflection

As I reflect on this past semester, I am reminded of both my shortfalls and the major improvements I have made both in my academic lifestyle and other facets of my sprouting cadetship.  Moreover, it has become apparent where my issues lie within myself and what I continue to mess up.  I have always had an issue with procrastination which typically arises from a lack of interest and motivation for doing the assignment.  When it comes to writing, the largest stressor is how long it takes to write a well-thought-out and complete paper.  I have always strived to achieve at the highest level possible, and perhaps my fire is beginning to waver just a little as college becomes increasingly more difficult after the uniquity of the ratline has concluded.  I have spent most of this semester as a fourth classman, opening new doors to resources and possibilities to the Institute I was not aware of previously.  This introspection will reflect on my writing experiences this semester and demonstrate my lackluster ability but also the benefits to be found within.  By truly analyzing myself, I can apply a plan to improve in the future.   

            Firstly, and possibly one the biggest reason students procrastinate is because they believe the work or prompt is caustic (especially in English) because it lacks much prestige or ability to branch to other interests easily.  In contrast, major classes such as Psychology or International Studies spike a particular interest that is simply not found in a basic English class.  Granted, this 102 class did grant me the opportunity to write about what I wanted to, but that begs the question: was I invested in the class or did I simply want to pass?  The answer to that question is not at all simple.  Of course, passing is imperative to all my classes, however, to truly understand the material of the course has constantly been a motivating factor.  I felt as if this class was an extension of a Philosophy or Foreign Policy class due to the topics of conversation, and my chosen topic that continued throughout the semester: socialism. 

            Socialism has always intrigued me.  The allure of a system that is in theory designed for the common citizen and raises everyone above is incredibly tempting.  Truly, America has driven ever so close to adopting the European system of government that has been tried and failed multiple times by so many nations.  When it came to brainstorming papers on this subject, I had no issue.  The subject was fascinating, and I absorbed the information like a wet sponge in a bucket set aside for a residential car wash.  Funnily enough, I found myself in Preston Library for hours, searching for books that would aid me in my search to either rectify or diss socialism.  When it came to, I had a wealth of knowledge, but no real way of reciprocating what I had learned to the page.  It was almost as if there was a dam between my thoughts and my fingers.  There was so much to say and then again, no way to word it coherently. 

            This is no surprise to me and perhaps one of the biggest reasons writing is not my go-to stress-relief.  After a certain point, realizing how much time I put into writing a rough draft to the point where it is coherent and contains enough information for the reader, I began to put my work off farther and farther, telling myself I would make time the next day and instead choose to work on something else.  It might not have been another subject.  Socialism was such a good topic, I found myself researching and taking notes more on what I read than I ever could put into a 1500-word essay comfortably.  I heartily recognize that my issue with procrastination is that I simply do not like to do it.  Putting my thoughts on paper seems so one-dimensional and streamlined.  How could I possibly get all the words out and do it quickly without getting distracted, another recurring issue with my work ethic? 

            The answer lies in the 101 class I took over summer furlough.  “Shitty First Drafts” is the name of the article written by an extremely well-versed author who explained that she, whenever she writes a paper, will sit down, and write exactly whatever comes to her mind first.  She will write endlessly on the subject, sometimes not having a clear thesis or real train of thought at all.  She recommends going far over the word count, producing a mess of words and punctuation only she could understand.  From there, she weeds out the unimportant parts, starting with paragraphs, moving to sentences, and finally words.  What is eventually left is a road map to continue her thoughts in a manner a reader could understand without an issue.  If this process is used correctly, an author can theoretically finish a 1500-word essay in only a day with the necessary knowledge needed to develop a thesis and supporting evidence.  When I first became aware of this method, I was stricken.  I had never heard of such a thing as writing a paper just to do so.  All my primary and secondary education had told me rough drafts had to be pristine and flawless in all manner of ways including grammar, spelling, and syntax.  But here Mr. Abry was, telling me I could write sentence fragments and whatever I wanted if it was cleaned by the final product.  Such a new concept and ideology was daunting.  I was near positive my third-grade teacher would tear around the corner and demand for me to explain why I simply wrote two words and a period without a complete predicate. 

            Although this method was increasingly effective as I wrote the rest of my 101 essays in this fashion and achieved higher marks than I was used to in English, the habit wore off and I was back to writing essays that were so meticulously planned and well-versed, that I lost sight of the intrigue of allowing my thoughts to uselessly float onto the page and feeling my fingers fly across the keyboard without a stutter in my wrists.  It was back to the grindstone.  I was not writing about myself or my goals anymore as I had been in 101.  I was writing about an incredibly serious topic of which I chose to continue throughout the semester.  It was not fun and games anymore as I spent hours upon hours compiling study material. 

            Looking back on my work ethic throughout this semester, my past self would be steadily impressed by my willingness to work, but not so much with the details.  The Virginia Military Institute is not exactly a walk in the park when it comes to academics and all the above.  I continue to impress myself.  Where I fall is my willingness to give in to distractions around me and failing to stick to a prompt to the tee as I should.  Confessional: I never did read the prompt from the textbook.  If I had, I most definitely would have grasped the content more easily.  This is one of the many things I did wrongly this semester that was careless and elementary.  If the resource is there, why not use it?  However, I did make terrific use of the VMI Writing Center on multiple occasions for help designing and refining my analysis and exploratory essay.  It never was a dull moment with the Lisa Kudrow-esque reviewer/commentator and her fluffy cat to give me pointers on how to improve my writing.  She too recommended allowing my thoughts to flow evenly for my drafts so that they could be refined more easily later.  The method simply must work! 

            The temptation arises any time I am on the computer to do other work or dawdle by listening to music with lyrics or checking my phone for the tenth time in five minutes (a terrible habit I picked up in high school).  Hopefully in the future I can find the self-control to focus on the task at hand like my peers.  This relates not only to my writing, but to my other studies as well.  The presence of the much more appealing and time-consuming social media and internet is a constant tug on my consciousness.  I did, however, find a way to deaden this urge while I work: isolation.  By disconnecting my internet and having my roommate keep my phone locked away for a few hours, I could get major headway and allow my mind to stream like it should while writing. 

            Overall, this semester in ERH 102 has been interesting in the fact I have seen a devolution from where I was previously because the content of my writing forced me to digress.  I will need to make a conscious effort moving forward to release myself of distractions and set times when I will only be writing papers to mitigate the risk of becoming distracted by my phone, friends, cars, or the internet in general.  The time has come to allow my mind to write without constraint and it shall enjoy the comforts of free reign on the page. 

Help Received: None; Ryan H. O’Connor 5/4/21