Response To Student Essay

I thought the student had a good idea with what the topic was and where they stood to portray their argument or story. I would suggest that the student reread their own writing out loud. This would help them listen to some ongoing sentences and paragraphs. From this, it would help them see their own problems rather than me telling them. Specifically, I felt that the introductory sentence was good in gaining attention, but somewhat strayed away from the whole idea of the essay.

I would also comment that the student break up the essay into more paragraphs. It seemed that there was no body. I would also help the student pick out his main points. The student in this essay was the expert and looking at the structure would help him organize his thoughts.

Finally, I thought it was a great start and that Steve has the material, but just needs the organizational aspects.

Sorry for the late response. I had trouble logging on last night due to my passwords being expired. I cut and pasted it from a word document during class.

Very Respectfully,
Anna McFarlane