Students come to the writing center and tell me, “I have to write about slavery in the constitution or I have to write about the technical language used in the tennis community”.
Their draft thesis statements tend to look like this:
“Slavery is inferred rather than explicitly condoned in the US Constitution”.
or
“Tennis has a complicated technical language aside from the techniques and rules of the game.”
Both statements are facts, that could be illustrated by consulting a textbook, the Constitution itself, or a rule book about tennis. There is nothing clear to argue.
- A good thesis has two parts. It should tell what you plan to argue, and it should communicate how you plan to argue. That can be done in one sentence.
- No one writes the perfect thesis statement the first time. Write a draft or working thesis down after you have read your collected source materials.
- You should Anticipate the counterarguments. Once you have drafted a working thesis, think about what might be said to counter it. This will help you to refine your thesis. If your thesis statement doesn’t present an argument, then it’s not a well-developed thesis statement.
- A Thesis statement is an essay’s central claim. A thesis should not be confused with a topic, which represents only the subject area of an essay. A strong thesis statement must be debatable and there must be intelligent ways to disagree with it.
- A thesis should be as clear and specific as possible.
Examples:
Avoid overused, general terms and abstractions. For example,
“Communism collapsed in Eastern Europe because of the ruling elite’s inability to address the economic concerns of the people”
is more powerful than
“Communism collapsed due to societal discontent.”
“The United States has a serious problem with gangs.”
Too general! It would require a book to prove. A better thesis for a short paper would be:
“In Chicago, gang activity has hindered the educational effectiveness of the public high schools.”
The words Chicago, educational effectiveness, and high schools all serve to narrow the focus of the thesis, and therefore make the paper more manageable to write.
This one looks like a well-developed thesis statement.
“Gang-related murders have increased significantly in the past fifteen years, and new gang member initiates are younger each year, making the job of
controlling gangs even more difficult for police.”
It actually covers three different topics. To narrow the topic and make the essay more focused this would be better:
“Chicago’s mayor needs to work harder to curb gang violence by increasing the number of police patrols in gang-infiltrated neighborhoods, pressing the
courts for stiffer sentences for gang offenders, and establishing an educational campaign to teach children how to resist gang involvement.”
In this one, the coordinated parts focus on what the mayor of Chicago could and should do to solve the gang problem in the city, providing a narrower focus for the essay.
(Adapted from http://writingcenter.fas.harvard.edu/pages/developing-thesis)
- A precise thesis can have only one interpretation.
“Gang life, which resembles family life, is fascinating.”
First, the word fascinating is subjective. The answer is either yes it is or no it isn’t. A statement such as the one above is likely to lead to a rambling essay.
A more precise statement might be,
“Members of a gang generally interact in a manner that resembles a family, and the parallels between the two social groups are strikingly similar.”
Using precise language helps create a better argument.
Adapted from http://www.wheaton.edu/Academics/Services/Writing-Center/Writing-Resources/Thesis-Statement
The URL for the Wheaton College Writing Center is http://www.wheaton.edu/Academics/Services/Writing-Center
The resources at the Hamilton College Writing Center share these examples:
A thesis sentence that is too broad: The Catholic Church’s influence on the formation of labor unions in the nineteenth century was extremely significant. A more focused thesis sentence: The Catholic Church, by means of the pulpit and the purse, greatly influenced the labor movement in the United States during the final decades of the nineteenth century.
Note that the second sentence concisely summarizes a specific argument that can be managed in a short paper. It also sets up the pattern for discussion; the writer will focus first on the Church’s direct instruction and then on its financial influence. Also note the effect of using the stronger verb “influenced” in the second sentence rather than “was” in the first sentence.
In The Craft of Argument, Joseph Williams and Gregory Colomb suggest the following ways of deepening the thesis:
- To add a reason, include a reason-clause beginning with because, or if, or a phrase beginning with by or in order to (84). Because of their emphasis on the broad impact of individual decisions, environmentalists exhibit values consistent with the American tradition of civic mindedness.
- To acknowledge an alternative point-of-view or reason, or to limit the scope of your claim, add a concession-clause beginning with although, while, or even though, or a phrase beginning with despite or regardless of (85). Although Emma and Levin define spirituality differently, their self-centered perspectives confine them to a state of permanent disillusionment.
The URL for the Hamilton College Writing Center is http://www.hamilton.edu/academics/centers/writing
The URL for the Harvard College writing Center is http://writingcenter.fas.harvard.edu/