This paper is very descriptive but not in the right way. You are more telling us about your experience instead of telling us how to fish or what it would take to fish. Focus more on the ideas and steps of fishing and less on your trip, it is okay to add some detail about your experience, just do not let those experiences consume the whole paper. That is not the task assigned. I gave the response i gave because the writer is getting lost in his own world and what he wants to write not what is intended. He loses the purpose of the assignment along with the audience when he goes into so much detail about his personal life. The point is to be descriptive about an activity or vacation not what your personal take on the subject is. Redefine the the thesis/ purpose of your paper and then go from there because that will at least give you a template of how the paper should be organized.