Building Paragraphs in ERH-102
Coming into ERH-102 I haven’t written much in the last year, so I felt like I was behind everyone else. But as the time went by, I gained more confidence in my writing. I always struggled coming up with a clear thesis, proofreading my paper, and swiftly citing my sources. Nonetheless, the hardest part of writing for me is organizing the paragraphs in proper manner. Looking back at the papers from this class I noticed that a quality of paragraph organization is a reflection of brainstorming, quality of rough drafts, and a thesis. Any one of these factors can positively or negatively affect the quality of paragraph organization, so a detailed analysis of my papers will let me fully understand the reason why most of my essays have poor paragraph organization.
The first essay in Mrs. Smith’s ERH-102 Class was an initial writing reflection that was based on the writings prior to this class. For this essay I spend some time brainstorming in class. For example, I remember writing down my strong and weak points during freewriting for the thesis statements. The thesis for the initial writing reflection essay is “While analyzing most of my writing assignments from English 101 I have noticed improvements at structuring sentences, writing multiple drafts; and thinking creatively, but I still need to improve my grammar, punctuation, and thesis emphasis.” (Belousov 1) This thesis is very solid, but it seems like there are too many points to cover. My first body paragraph mainly focused on the importance of writing multiple rough drafts, but the second paragraph focused on both, writing of compound sentences and creative thinking. According to the thesis, this paragraph should have been split in two separate paragraphs in order to keep the points from the thesis organized. The next paragraph also reflected on two points from the thesis – grammar and punctuation. I should have split it in two paragraphs after adding additional information and examples of punctuation errors from the previous papers. Finally my last paragraph focused on thesis emphasis. All of the paragraphs were efficient and reflected back to the thesis. Also there was time and effort put in the rough draft for this essay. Paragraph organization seemed appropriate for this essay due to quality brainstorming, effort put in the rough draft, and proper reflection of thesis in the body paragraphs.
The second essay was a rhetorical analysis for the documentary Between Two Fires. While watching the documentary I took notes on the information that could be used in the essay, but I failed to organize all of the information that I wrote down. The thesis for this essay is “The film had a strong argument and some factual evidence, but it also included a large amount of pathos.” (Belousov 1) This thesis seems too simple, and it also fails to include all of the points made in this paper. For example, my next paragraph focused on the use of pathos and imagery, but imagery was not included in my thesis statement. Then, third paragraph focuses on the use of audio, and my thesis also failed to include anything about audio. The thesis seems irrelevant, since nearly half of the paper is focused on points that are not included in the thesis statement. This should have been caught when reading the rough draft, but somehow this issue was unnoticed. As a result of improper thesis statement and low quality rough draft, paragraphs in this essay are poorly organized.
Third essay was an exploratory essay called “Is a policy worth trying or dying?” This essay focuses on death penalty policies in United States of America and in other countries of the world. There was no brainstorming done prior to writing the paper. Also the rough draft was extremely short and lacked much of the support from the sources. Regardless, the thesis for this essay is “Some support it, because they believe that death penalty improves crime rate; others oppose it, because they believe that it is ineffective and prohibited by 8th amendment, which prohibits cruel and unusual punishment.” (Belousov 1) This thesis includes unnecessary information, such as the explanation of 8th amendment. Eighth amendment could be defined later on in the paper, so that it would not waste space in the thesis statement. Also the paragraphs in this paper were not organized through the thesis statement. Second paragraph was focused on Rod Morgan’s article in The British Journal of Criminology. Third paragraph was focused on Julia E. Johnsen’s book Capital Punishment, and fourth paragraph included Rob Warden’s article “Reflections on Capital Punishment.” Finally fifth paragraph focused on Stephen Bright’s article “Why the United States Will Join the Rest of the World in Abandoning Capital Punishment.” This essay’s paragraphs were clearly organized, but the thesis statement should be changed in order to fit the paragraph organization.
Fourth essay in ERH-102 class was a two thousand word researched essay. This essay is also focused on death penalty policies and their effectiveness in various countries. I did not brainstorm prior to writing the rough draft, nor did the rough draft was very descriptive and well written. The name of this researched essay is “Death Penalty in the World” and the thesis statement is “Death penalty is an ineffective, cruel and unusual punishment that was practiced for thousands of years, and it should be shameful to practice it today.” (Belousov 1) This thesis does not seem very descriptive, and as a result this essay consists of eleven paragraphs that are not organized in a certain way. Some paragraphs are organized by an author, while others are organized based on an idea. Also some paragraphs consist of nearly 20 lines, while others are only 8 lines long. The main reason for poor paragraph organization is a failed thesis statement. Instead of being very broad, it should be very detailed and specific to prevent the chaos later in the paper.
Analysis of the main four essays from ERH-102 class showed that two of the essays had poor paragraph organization as a result of a bad written thesis statement. If a thesis is not clear or does not reflect on every point, then the paragraphs cannot be arranged around it. This results in a poor organization that can possible confuse the reader. Usually when the thesis is specific and well written, then it is way easier to organize the essay around it.
Works Cited
Belousov, Nikita. “Initial Writing Reflection.“ Virginia Military Institute, 2016. Print
Belousov, Nikita. “Rhetorical Analysis.” Virginia Military Institute, 2016. Print
Belousov, Nikita. “Is a policy worth trying or dying?” Virginia Military Institute, 2016. Print
Belousov, Nikita. “Death Penalty in the World” Virginia Military Institute, 2016. Print